… about Mesut Ozil.

Not: because he earns 340k per (fucking!!!!) week and doesn’t play at all. (Arsenal’s problem is my joy and pleasure).
Not: because he’s an inflammatory fucker who left the German team due to alleged ‘racism’ after he posed in a photo with President Erdoğan, the horrendous, undemocratic, abusive, restrictive, nasty, shitty boss of Turkey. Germans? Racist? Never heard that one before.
Not: because he has a reputation for footballing excellence which is only ever deployed against Wigan, Leyton Orient and Shrewsbury, on the domestic front, the Faro Islands, Madagascar and Fiji in internationals. Against any decent team he hides for 90 minutes or until substituted.
Not: because he was either never taught to tackle or feels it beneath a man of his stature (5 foot 3) to deploy such a clumsy and lowly tactic.

But because he just avoided a driving ban.

Was traveling at 97 on the motorway in his G-wagon. To his credit, he admitted his guilt straight away (like he could deny it with 13 speed cameras and 47 policemen witnessing). But then came his ‘mitigating circumstances’.

Firstly, ‘I was thinking in kilometres, not miles’. I mean… I mean… how is that a fucking excuse? ‘I’m too stupid to realise that Luton is part of England and not in the Sudetenland’.

Secondly, that he ‘needs his car for work every day’. Why? He doesn’t play football any more, why does he need to be there?

Thirdly, that he’d otherwise have to use public transport and with coronavirus…
Like for 17 million quid a year, he can’t afford an Uber? In fact in its current state he could probably afford to buy Transport for London. Save the tax-payer a fortune.

And lastly, that he has a non-driving wife and a little baby. That was when the judge started tearing up and asked for the Kleenex. Just before fining him £1000. Holy shit! A thousand (English, in case Mesut was wondering) pounds!!! No ban, a few points and a grand.

He should be imprisoned. In Germany, after we deport him. Or better still, in Turkey. For his very own Midnight Express experience.

Does make you wonder though, in those lovely moments when considering Arsenal’s results and corresponding league position, why they don’t actually try playing their most expensive player. Just, like, for, kind’a, 10 minutes. See how it goes. It really couldn’t make things any worse, could it?

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx