My name is Andy and I haven’t taken the tube for 3 weeks!!!
Hello Andy!

And that’s a good thing for Tube Trains Anonymous, but as a former addict, it can only be seen as a bit bizarre. This is England, FFS, it’s supposed to rain. Often. Annoyingly. Disruptively. Frustratingly. (We have so many descriptions for rain here; it’s like the Eskimos with their snow. Or whatever you’re supposed to call an Eskimo now). I’ll only abandon the tube for my e-bike when there is a day full of ‘zeros’ in the rainfall column of the BBC weather app. And the first day rain is forecast is next Tuesday.

But the fact remains that our verdant isle is not quite as verdant as it once was. Its more our ‘greeny-brown isle’ as the grass dries up, the crops suffer, the (fucking) flowers in the (fucking) garden need (fucking) watering every (fucking) night. A task I enjoy.

We should import some water from Pakistan. Have you seen the pics? Entire villages under water. Death, destruction and landslides. All the work of everyone’s favourite drink; water. So whilst Spain is suffering drought and wild fires, and Newfoundland made me change my holiday plans(!!!) due to their fires, our crops are dying and yet poor Pakistan seem to be the beneficiary of all the water we all need. Though that nation, as they’re so quick to tell us at every mention of the disaster, produces less than 1% of the world’s carbon emissions. I haven’t checked that figure, I tried counting using a big telescope from my garden but gave up at ‘6’ when the football came on. And those 6 might have been coming from their neighbours, India, who are quite massive producers of carbon. Obviously nothing even close to China’s emissions.

Unless you’re an American Republican, you simply can’t fail to attribute all this shit to ‘global warming’ produced by China. Sorry, produced by carbon emissions. Even the biggest ‘climate change sceptics’, like me, should ‘wake up and smell the coffee’, except the coffee bean crops in Brazil and Colombia are desiccated by drought.

The glaciers are melting, the storms increasing, the summers hotter than hell, the rains humungous and its so fucked up you almost need Donald Trump to ‘do a deal’ between the dried out deserts and the floods to sort out some sort of compromise. As, quite frankly, the old ‘God’ seems quite incapable of keeping things in control. Sadly, Trump is a non-believer, so we won’t get much change out of him.

I’m doing my bit. We have an electric car (don’t ask where our electricity comes from; it’ll only upset you) and my ‘racing car’ only does a few miles a week and then only to upset Greta Thunberg. I travel by e-bike, I (sometimes) eat lettuce and hardly use any coal. I can do no more.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx