How many BMIs make one Covid? Alternatively if the score is: Covid 19, BMI 8.3, will the victim die? These are interesting questions. Ok, stupid questions with possibly interesting answers.

Boris has decided that obesity is the key to life. Or, in fact, to death. Fat people die more of Covid than thin ones. In case he hadn’t noticed, fat people die of many things more than thin people. The only benefit of obesity, healthwise, is that they never die of malnutrition. Everything else is bad news for big’uns.

So now there’ll be no more adverts for ‘junk food’ until after the ‘watershed’. When all the thin kids are asleep in bed and the fat ones are watching tv whilst inhaling their third pizza of the night.

Britain has an obesity crisis, with more fat kids than any other country. Surely that can’t count America? I’d be amazed but can’t find the article that inspired this investigation into food habits and the world distribution of tubbies.

Boris’s answer is simple: cycle more. So, riding on the tailwind of the virus (EVERY-FUCKING-THING rides on the tailwind of the virus), Boris has essentially given half the capital’s roads over to new cycle lanes. This has the double advantage of making everyone healthier by cycling more and keeping the air cleaner with less room for traffic. So, presumably, in Boris-world, Tescos will only need their stock lorries half the time, carrying half as much produce because… Ok, so Tescos will still need their trucks, but the vans… well, maybe only half the building work will be needed, and half the things that break down, will do so… errrr… because of the virus.

Ok, so in reality there’ll still be the same number of vehicles, but moving half as quickly. Which, trust me, wasn’t very quickly at all, to being with. Therefore the Tesco lorry plus all the vans will be sitting on the Embankment (once they bother again) spewing out more carbons each day than Battersea Power Station. Although that’s now a block of flats so presumably its carbons have diminished from its ‘glory days’.

But we’re on the right path. I think. It’s just that, like Boris, I’m not really sure where that path leads.

Happy Friday

A xxxx