China is making big efforts in improving its image. As well it needs to. Its an awful place. Corrupt, overcrowded, full of poor people, under a brutal regime, no human rights, forced to eat dogs, cats and slugs, and it produces more carbon than the rest of the world put together.

But its rich. Very rich. So rich that is ‘People’s Liberation Army’ (the government) has a fleet of cars that cost £8billion. That’s a lot of Jaguars. Shitloads of Bentleys. A multitude of Mercedes. But no longer. They’re selling up their motors and told to drive round in Chinese cars only. Did you know China made cars? No, neither did I. Though most of us are not privy to what happens in China anyway. Its never been the most open of nations.

The making of cars should come as no surprise really; they manufacture everything for the entire world. Though apparently these cars, Geely and Chery and BYD are ‘somewhat less sophisticated than their European or Japanese counterparts’.
They’re shit. In other words. I’m thinking a Flintstones car with boy-racer stripes down the side and chrome alloys. But you don’t fuck with Chinese high command. Well you can do, but only once.

They’re also trying to improve their green-ness. As their nation burns more coal and gas than any other they’re making efforts to do the right thing. They have nuclear energy and they’re building wind farms. As you’d expect, loads of wind farms in loads of out of the way places (most of China is ‘out of the way’; out of my way at least). I saw them on tv. Massive windfarms, all done with economy and speed, sitting there waiting for the wind to blow. Ahhhhh, just putting up metal windmills won’t do it then, you need wind. Hmmmmmm…

We have wind farms here too. How do you grow wind? Eat a curry? Sorry. You don’t, you ‘harness’ it by putting up mostrous, ugly, outrageously expensive, immense steel windmills and hope the wind blows. And then you pay those upon whose land those windmills sit more outrageous expense to host them.

One fracking site of 4 hectares (no idea, I think a hectare is the square on the hypotenuse divided by the cost of a Chinese car, in Euros, but don’t quote me) will generate more energy than all the windmills in Britain. At a fraction of the cost. And then its good English fuel, paying good English taxes, employing good Rumanian workers to do the sucking out bit.

Furthermore, it will get rid of some of that awful English countryside and replace it with buildings and car parks and good things that are pleasing on the eye.

It is apparently written into council by-laws that spitting in public is subject to a maximum fine of £500. As it should be. So after watching Match of the Day on Saturday, I’d like Wayne Rooney to pay his £25,000, John Terry £48,500 and all the other to cough up (errrrr) their fines appropriately.

And if they fined them for swearing too, that would be just fucking brilliant.

Happy thursday

A xxxx