How can you beat the Germans (or even their frikkin substitutes; how totally embarrassing?) if you don’t have the right team? If the players are wrong??

I mean: how can you beat the Hun with a team in which the players are called Wayne, Ashley, Kyle and Andros?
With surnames like Lallana and Jagielka. Even Gerrard sounds decidedly French. Unless its said in a Scouse accent. Then it just sounds horrible. Like everything else spoken in that tortuous, agonising mode of speech. Like words being vomited out in great pain. To the speaker and listener.

We need players called Billy and Bobby and Nobby and Jack. We need people called Tommy and Arthur and Alfie and Johnny. Proper names for guys who are proper English. I don’t wish this in a ‘UKIP’ kind of way but after all, this is England we’re talking about here. And that’s how we won the World Cup, back in 1827, with players of unmistakable Englishness in their names.

Wayne and Kyle are fine names. For two brothers from Mississippi out to rape their sister, Lu-Anne. Ashley is a girl’s name and Andros was one of the three mustkateers. Ok, that was, strictly speaking, Athos, but its the same root; taking its meaning from the greek work to tragically underperform and keep wasting crosses.
Ross Barkley is a cabaret singer from Newport Pagnell. Don’t go changin’.

Only Jack Wilshere is appropriately named to go and face the Germans. And he plays for Arsenal so is almost a Frenchman anyway.

And now for something completely different…
Monty Python are coming back. A reunion is being planned. And that is wonderful news. Or is it? Can you really go back to the early 70s when you’re now in your early 70s? The comedy which changed comedy forever provided a stepping stone from which the world of ‘funny’ then evolved. And its come a long way. Personally I’d be happy if they just show the old reruns every night.

Happy Wednesday

Adolph English
xxxx