The government refuses to give up all its private WhatsApp messages to the inquiry into Boris’s Covid behaviour. The latest inquiry. Part 7: “The CRISIS!!!” In previous parts we’ve had partygate, Dominic-Cummings-gate and the garden gate, through which Boris goes out for his daily run. To prove every day, as he has for the past 12 years, that running in no way makes you fit, slim or toned. Just a fat fuck who bounces around for 5 miles across the park looking like a heart-attack waiting to happen.

Yet, much as Jesus famously said ‘let he who hath not sinned cast the first stone’, thus Boris’s whatsapps. If a court in any country in the world waded through a week’s worth of my very own messages, I’d be arrested, cancelled, unemployable and hailed as a sexist, racist, misogynist, homophobic, woman-phobic, trans-phobic, fatty-phobic, skinny-phobic and definitely vegan-phobic, and beaten up by supporters of Arsenal, Manchester City, Leeds, Everton and hopefully Chelsea. Would be a boring week if I wasn’t.

Does that make me a misogynistic, chauvinistic, smug, schaudenfreudist antichrist who is godless, friendless and hopeless? Or just a normal bloke who has mates with too much time on their hands and possibly a bit too little grey matter elsewhere.

But the fact is that Whatsapp is for the exchange of worthless, meaningless but preferably extremely amusing, nonsense. If I get a message ‘my dog’s got a bad leg, ahhhhh’, my response would inevitably be along the lines of ‘shoot him’. A court would view that statement as ‘incitement to murder’, any normal person would get that its just ‘banter’. I get loads of ‘stuff’ mocking the whole ‘trans’ argument. They in no way reflect any animosity or otherwise towards that sector of society but generally mock the quite ridiculous effect this has on our lives and even the words we can use in that context. I seldom ‘redact’ any messages. I wasn’t aware you could. Nor do I care.

And the problem with an inquiry looking into Boris’s messages, and everyone else’s is that they find it very difficult to sift the serious from the ‘taking the piss’. Its subtle. Nuanced. Highly contextual. So if Boris said “we should just let 150,000 old people die from Covid and that’ll save on care sector funds”, he probably didn’t mean it. I’d have meant it but he might have been mocking.

Boris has given his phone willingly to the inquiry. But that’s his ‘new phone’ and only started in May 2021 so is useless in any inquiry starting in March 2020. But Rishi is very opposed to giving over his and those of his colleagues. Which is why ‘we’ are in court sorting it out.

Assuming the inquiry does not have the power to actually bring any of the covid victims back to life: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT???

Cup final today; train strike today; the perfect storm.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx