Before we start talking about the Labour MPs being suspended for ‘suspected racism, sexism, antisemitism, Islamophobia and possibly cyber-rape!!! (well why not?)’, we need to establish the rules.

And the rule for WhatsApp is: there are no rules. Well, there shouldn’t be. If you want to offend someone, upset someone, toxically abuse them, then send an email. Then it can be used against you later. Do it on the phone, make sure you record it. Post it on a website. Or do it on tv, best of all, removes ambiguity. These events are then to be judged.

But WhatsApp is different. It’s like a lawless wilderness, just kind’a ’out there’, for purposes of slagging off, taking the piss, and causing maximum offence to the recipient(s). Who should then respond in kind. Sexism is not merely acceptable on WhatsApp but to be encouraged. Racism, anti-wokism of any kind can only be admired. Sending pornographic content, demonic images of the Pope being rogered by Prince Andrew, Greta Thunberg impaled on absolutely anything, these are commendable in WhatsAppland. It’s what the thing is for. That’s why it’s encrypted.

And thus it creates its own context. One in which you can say things so outlandish, so offensive, so not-the-norm, that nothing on WhatsApp should ever be taken seriously. And much as I hate the word ‘banter’, that doesn’t mean I don’t engage, on occasion. And then the abuse becomes competitive; it’s what ‘banter’ is.

So to take one line from a 400-message stream of nonsense and accuse it of being ‘racist!!!!’, just because it mentioned Dianne Abbot, is rank stupidity. So stupid, it’s the sort of thing Dianne Abbot would do. To accuse a man of antisemitism because he said: “I’d eat my hat. But not a shtreimel or a kippa…”, is nonsense. It’s admirable that he knows what a shtreimel is, let alone how to spell it. Why would the mere mention of a Jewish ‘thing’ be antisemitic, FFS?

So, in fact, there is one rule for WhatsApp: you must have a sense of humour. If you can’t laugh at yourself, or at your demographic grouping, send a fucking SMS.

And thus did Andrew Gwynne get kicked out of his ministerial role. A role so important, pivotal and downright crucial, that no-one had ever heard of him before. That sacking was promptly followed by that of Oliver Ryan, an even lesser MP of really no consequence, but funny enough that I’d have lunch with him.

I think this is Kier Starmer (et al) once again displaying the kind of hypersensitivity, coupled with a complete lack of understanding of human nature, and trying to ensure a homogeneity of MPs in his image. Dull, drab, humourless. Just what we fucking need.

Happy Wednesday,

A xxxx