Because the weather is not only lovely but GUARANTEED not to rain, I’ve been taking the e-bike into work. Not because it’s quicker, which it is. Not because it’s cheaper because us old folk get tube travel freeeeeee. But because it is just wonderful. Fun. Enjoyment. Puts a great big smile on my face which only grows with every red light I ride through. By the time I get to work, and not very much time at that, I have to take special medications to bring my mouth back to ‘neutral’, from ‘Joker’ mode.

And on Friday, I donned my helmet (yes, MELISSA, I always wear my helmet on the e-bike, have you seen the way I ride, FFS?), put my ruck-sack on my back, and wheeled the beast towards the door, as always, eagerly awaiting mounting the machine, firing up the… errrr… battery, and flying home in the setting sun. But there was a funny squeaky noise as I pushed it. Hmmm. Break stuck? Something rubbing? No, my fucking rear fucking tyre was fucking flat. Fuck.

I may have sworn. I apologise unreservedly. I don’t have a pump. Not that it would have helped. For a tyre to go from 60psi (very hard) to zero in a few hours is catastrophic. Not a small ‘leak’. I left the bike at work and tubed home. Miserably. Disappointedly.

Monday morning I wheeled it 200 yards up the road (so heavy it felt like 6 miles) to Evans ‘the bike shop’. Upon who’s website they proclaim to do ‘repairs!’, even ‘punctures’ and state ‘punctures to e-bikes!!!’, because they cost a bit more. Obviously?

“Ah, can’t do that one mate; its an e-bike”. But… your website… repairs… issa fucking inner tube FFS; mend it! “We’re not allowed to work on e-bikes we didn’t sell.” Well, you wouldn’t would you. Tosser. He did sell me a bottle of ‘gunk’ which you pump in and the tyre’s good as new in minutes’ and then even better! Didn’t work. Flat as a pancake, even with a tenner’s worth of slime in it.

So today, I found a company who pick up your bike, repair it and deliver it back. And so far, phase 1 is complete. Picked up. Now we wait…

Happy tube-travel Tuesday

A xxxx