I’m here today to specifically and emphatically NOT discuss the ‘f-word’. It is herein and thereafter and thrice-whatever guaranteed to be absent from these pages. Other than one token sentence which may, or may not, have been expressed previously in these postings. Ready? I fucking hate football. Two f-words for the price of admission to White Hart Lane. I’m done with it, I’m over it, I’m not spending another hot, sweaty afternoon in glorious Tenerife drinking pints of Spanish lager to try and make my team look a little blurry, a little distorted, anything which might be a little better.

So I’m instead going to discuss the tragedy which has now gained traction in, predominantly, the right-wing press. The ‘end of woke’. As if, by a few neo-Faragists and MAGA-monkeys, who’ve stopped adding their ‘pronouns’ to their email signatures, the whole movement which we’ve spent years engaged in, to help the minorities, to help the dysfunctional, to give hope to the more ‘diverse’ and dysmorphic among us, it’ll just end. Boom. I’m a well known author, journalist, Tory, and I’ve declared that from now on you need a penis to enter a man’s toilet. Or, rather, that having a penis will preclude your entry into a ‘women’s toilet’. Yes, let’s go back to the Stone Age and persecute those among us who really don’t know where to take a piss in public. Again. Like we’ve been persecuted for millennia. Well, the Romans were ok with diversity. From diversity springs perversity (ex diversum perversum natus est… whatever). But in recent, post-war times, it has taken almost 3 years to move from ‘poof’ to LGBTQ++. And that covers barely a third of the options which any decent society MUST cater for. Because this once minority now measures a massive 0.0000317% of people in our nation. And therefore we DEMAND a proportionate amount of discourse and legislation. Ok, we actually demand a totally disproportionate amount of discourse. Not debate, we simply don’t do that. There is NO room for debate in the woke world. That would be totally undemocratic. If you even question one of our precepts, YOU ARE THE ENEMY AND WILL BE CANCELLED, a pariah in our rainbow nation! No, not South Africa, the other one. And that includes our passionate stance in defending Palestine against those apartheid and colonising land-grabbers, Israel!! We demand that our politicians act NOW to save Palestine for its own people. The ones who would have us thrown off of tall buildings or stoned in public for our ‘diverse’ lifestyles. We see absolutely NO hypocrisy, or even stupidity in that.

And this is what ‘they want to end’!!!

I don’t have that many issues with the end of woke. But, speaking as a satirist, it’s like half my life has been ripped away!!! The world of woke has been the piss-taker’s dream scenario. I don’t know how I ever managed without it. And now, they calling out its death knell. A tragedy.

To compensate, and get more in touch with my more feminine side, I played Padel again today. And realised that if you put a bat in my hand and throw a ball at me, I’m just happy to hit it. Whatever you call the bat. However big the ball. It’s just enjoyable. But to replace my tennis????

Happy Monday

A xxxx