I have decided to come out of my forced retirement from skiing and hit the pistes once more. In my case, probably quite literally, and normally face-first.

I had to take a ‘hiatus’ of about 10 years as my shoulder pains worsened and risk of damaging it beyond its already ‘catastrophic’ were too worrying. But now it’s new! (Literally-) shiny! And titanium. Which works so much better than bone. Well, ‘that’ bone. Plus, the absolute nightmare for anyone challenged in the shoulder movement department, is layering!! Putting on one t-shirt, or even regular shirt, is fucking agony and needs to be done in a peculiar and particular way to avoid the painful movements. Some would describe this process as ‘spastic’, but you’re not allowed to say that. The process takes about 10 minutes and leaves you sweating and looking for painkillers. So to dress for skiiing (thermal, t-shirt, sweat-shirt, fleece…) I’d have allowed about 90 minutes and two paramedics. But now? 20 minutes max. Maybe 25 on a bad day.

So now, we face, (if we can book it at fairly short notice), The Return!! I’ve alerted the press. Because I was a pretty decent skier. I was to skiing what Lionel Messi is to opera. What Rembrandt was to the NFL. What Taylor Swift (!!!!) is to architecture. I was that good. I ski ‘lemming-style’. It’s an art. Abstract art. Because skiing’s not about ‘control’. Its about speed. All that turning may look impressive but it slows you down… to somewhere between ‘terribly’ and ‘safely’. Bit like my driving.

Meanwhile, I live a high protein life. Or try to. This is the latest form of ‘advice’ in the constantly changing rules about eating. Its like Atkins-lite-for-the-over-60s. Who may not stay that ‘lite’ if they eat too much steak’n’eggs for breakfast. But muscle shrinks with age. Apparently; though you’d never know looking at my Herculean stature. So you need protein for muscle mass. So suddenly eggs are back on the menu. In quantities not encountered since the 1970s. You want 2 eggs? Eat 3!!! Then more eggs. Nuts. Meat. Even the once-dreaded peanut butter!!! Loads’s protein. To go with the oils and sugars.

Therefore, I’ll adhere to this diet. I like proteins. Washed down with a carb or two.

Its the way forward.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx