There are winners and there are losers.

In Batley & Spen (what’s ‘Spen’? FFS), Labour held their seat in the ‘most important by-election the world has ever known’, but reduced their majority from 3.5 thousand to 350. And claimed this as a ‘stunning victory’. As in, ‘yeah, we did 10 times worse than last time so that’s brilliant, barely clinging on to a seat we’ve virtually never lost; well ‘appy with that.’ And yet Kier Starmer, who would not have survived a loss as party leader, was leaping around, punching the air. As if he’d just put four goals past Ukraine.

Now THAT is a fucking victory. That is a ‘win’. But I will NOT gloat. I will not become ‘that’ person. No. Not for one minute. Just because we’ve gone 5 matches without conceding a goal. And have now reached the semi-finals of the biggest competition held in Europe. And just because Harry Kane not only proved his impatient, short-sighted, clueless detractors wrong in emphatic style, but also increased his selling price by at least 50 mil in the process. But I won’t be in any way arrogant, complacent or horrible about this amazing, stunning, spectacular trouncing of a bunch of almost-Russian racists and anti-semites. I bear them no grudge. Nor will I mention ‘Scotland’. Even ‘Wales’. Because that would not be in keeping with the nature and tone of this day of glory. Our glory. England’s glory. So I won’t. Don’t try to make me.

And if that wasn’t enough, there was Wimbledon. The only tennis tournament in the world. Which actually matters. To ‘proper’ tennis fans. And the best news is: we no longer need Andy Murray. Because we have…

Emma!!!

In tennis as in football, its not about winning, but how you win. And if you’re winning with a smile on your pretty face, boundless energy and enthusiasm as well as a killer game, that’s almost as good as watching a whingeing moaner grumble his miserable way Scottishly round the court. She’s 18 years old, a ‘wild card’ entry and simply brilliant. And funny. Clever. Gorgeous doesn’t hurt either. And although she has a funny name, at least it doesn’t end in -ova.

What a day for ENGLAND. Just sayin’…

A xxxx