Ahhh Europe. Sorted. All resolved. Fantastic. The way forward. The future is bright. And its all thanks to Dave. Our mate. Our pal. He went over there and he sorted out all those pesky foreigners can came out a winner. Got what he wanted. Exactly. Maybe even more.

And the odd thing is; they all got what they wanted too. Perhaps even more. Brilliant.

So David Cameron is proclaiming it a massive victory.

And so is everyone else.

A win-win-win-win-(carry on 28 times)-win situation.

So if that is even possible, WHAT THE FUCK HAS EVERYONE BEEN ARGUING ABOUT FOR 2 SOLID YEARS????? What a total waste of time and money. My money. If everyone can apparently win then everyone obviously wants the same outcome. So where was the problem? That needed 48 hours of solid discussion at the very end of this incredibly protracted ‘debate’?

You always have to be careful when both sides (or even 28 sides) all claim victory. Because its impossible. Therefore they’re all lying. Or some of them are.

Dave created his ‘special status’ for Britain. We get all the benefits of Europe (that’s… er… trade stuff… err… croissants… errrr…) and yet we get to control almost everything. We can keep out smelly European types, deport Polish builders, arrest Romanian pickpockets, and retain the right (if not the actual ability) to stop sending child benefits to families who’ve never been here and are currently living in Estonia.

The Polish PM said, quite clearly, though in Polish so no-one’s really sure, loosely translated as; “what the fuck does that ponce know anyway? He thinks cabbage is something you eat, as opposed to everything you eat. He’s an over-privileged rich kid who’s never had a job in his life and yet he wants to close the UK Social Security payments office in Warsaw. Motherfucker. I hope his kitchen cabinets fall off his walls. Then he’d start to appreciate Polish workers”.

Never happens in football. Only one winner there. Except in a draw.

Now we just have to decide whether we want in or out.

Happy Saturday.

A xxxx