I’m not a judge. You may have noticed. Because even though I have the wisdom of King Solomon, the brain of an Einstein (just not necessarily the Albert one) and the moral sensitivities of Liam Gallagher, I don’t make judgments. However, if I WAS a judge and I WAS sitting in a court of law dispensing justice, and someone brought me the case of Rooney vs Vardy, I would take that someone and hang them just for wasting the time of the courts, the legal profession and the press over ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The whole, ridiculous, long-winded fiasco, at massive expense to two women who, I’m guessing, are not ‘cost-of-living-sensitive’ at this troubling time. Their increased electricity bill will not preclude the purchase of a 5 grand, Louis Vuitton handbag.

Both women are ‘WAGs’. Which is not the acronym most think, but simply an amalgamation of the words ‘wives’ and ‘slags’. Because the bar for the ultimate WAG, in terms of decency, fame, independence and sleeping with footballers, was set by Victoria Beckham. So its not exactly ‘high’. The original term was ‘Winger’. From ‘Wife who’s a rotten sINGER’. When Jamie Rednapp then married Louise, they left it the same but took out the ‘rotten’. In the case of Colleen and Rebekah, they invented the term WUNTS. You do the maffs.

Colleen is not essentially a bad person. She puts up with Wayne. Rebekah Vardy is, essentially, a very bad person. A horrible person. A WAG and a WUNT by my definitions. I don’t know if she can sing. But she has a history. Of selling personal secrets to newspapers. Before she discovered the pot of gold at the end of every footballer, she sucked up to any ‘sleb’, even ones as minor as Peter Andre. She then reported to the press that his endowment was somewhat short (and thin) of the full Errol Flynn. Rather a disappointment. Therefore she has no barriers to earning a quick buck from the papers for selling ‘stuff’. She’d sell her children’s teeth for the price of a Gucci belt. So did she sell Colleen Rooney’s ‘secrets’, which were put on instagram, but still ‘secret’? Definitely. Does anyone care that she did? No. Would anyone notice if neither of the two was ever seen again? No.

Happy Days

A xxxx