Ryan Giggs is on trial. The ‘Welsh Wizard’ is accused of ‘allegedly’, basically persecuting, controlling, beating, kicking, head butting and abusing two sisters on or around the same kind of time. Repeatedly and often. Which fits with the general Giggs off-pitch M.O. He likes sisters. Ask his ex-wife. Or her sister. It’s awful. Though in his defence, they’re going to play the winning goal in the 1999 FA Cup semi-final against Arsenal. There is no other defence for these actions other than to show possibly the finest individual goal of all time. And pray that of the 10 jurors, at least 7 will be football fans. ‘Football fan’ is officially defined as “someone who loves the game of football AND dislikes Arsenal intensely”.

Incidentally, I googled ‘welsh wizard’ and learned that to receive such an honorary title, you basically have to be Welsh and possess the ability to kick, throw or swing at any kind of ball without falling over. Other nations may bestow ‘wizardry’ under harsher criteria but it would appear that anyone who can stay sober for 20 minutes in the Principality whilst engaged in sport becomes a ‘Welsh wizard’. Except Merlin. He was Welsh (who knew?) and a real wizard. Though may have been a rugby player when not wizarding, otherwise the hat gets in the way.

Whilst I was engaged in my tai chi this morning, kicking a very tall man holding a large punch-bag, I noticed the rain outside. You couldn’t fucking miss it. But by the time our class was over, the downpour had desisted. And a mere half an hour later the tennis courts were sufficiently dry to enable me and Spurs Paul to play our game. Although there was a degree of ‘moisture’ around, we heroically kept our footing. We dodged a bullet. There are storm warnings all weekend here and as you still haven’t replaced your gas boiler since the last storm 10 days ago, I expect these ones to be even worse. I’ve been recycling like mad, at every opportunity and hope that the corresponding drop in global warming will result in saving my tennis club from further flooding.

Happy holier-than-thou-Eco-warrior Saturday

A xxxx