Rishi Sunak, out latest Prime Minister, still in the job for more than 3 weeks now, is working hard. Do you think its easy hanging out in a tropical paradise with a ‘package’ which totally redefines ‘all-inclusive’? Do you think wearing Hawaiian shirts is easy? Are you under some illusion that hanging out with world leaders whilst being fed, watered and entertained all day, every day, is ‘a doddle’? He spends much of his downtime with Justin Trudeau, the handsome Canadian geezer. The two are seldom apart. I’m making no judgments; what happens in Bali stays in Bali.

Yesterday Rishi addressed the G20, changing into a slightly more appropriate white shirt and no native headdress, and accused Russia of starting a war which has in a big way caused a lot of the financial crisis being felt right across the globe. Sergei Labrov, sitting at the assembly, looked suitably pissed off. But he always looks pissed off so I’m not sure if Rishi’s words offended him or not. Putin chose not to attend this meeting. For reasons best described by a slight change to the Millwall song: everyone hates me but I DO care. Otherwise he’d be there, defending the indefensible.

Later in the day Russia sent 90 missiles into Ukraine.

But then, a (even bigger) tragedy. A missile landed in Poland, right on the Ukraine border, and 2 people died when it exploded. Zilensky immediately called for NATO to react, because if you attack one NATO country (like Poland) then you attack them all. Moscow said ‘it was not a Russian rocket’. Ok, fair point.

Because who knows how many rockets, drones and heavily armed missiles are flying around in the atmosphere? It might have been a Chinese missile, being tested around Taiwan, and it went AWOL. It might have been Swedish. Serbian. I’m sure Serbs have missiles. Everyone does. It could have been a new project by Elon Musk, Death-Pal.

So why would everyone jump to the conclusion that it was Russian??? Other than the fact that they fired 90 yesterday and have fired thousands this year, all in close proximity to the Polish border. But as Putin was right to claim: this is just a ploy by the West to justify hostility against Russia. Meaning Jo Biden sent the missile just to frame poor, innocent Russia, so that we can go nuke Moscow.

A more interesting question than the ‘who?’ (because, really? Like REALLY?) is the why. I simply can’t imagine Putin would attack Polish land. Which leaves ‘human error’ as the more likely reason. But missiles aren’t launched by humans, we are fallible. They’re launched, directed and deployed with unbelievable precision by computer systems. They, basically, don’t miss.

I’m getting my uniform pressed because it can’t be long now. I’ll be reuniting with the 573rd Edinburgh Cowards as soon as the telegram arrives.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx