Is this the best headline ever; from today’s Mail on Sunday:

“Rebel Catholic priest confesses to sham gay marriage to a married Muslim to help him stay in the UK.”

This is no mere: “Elvis ate my hamster!!!!” or “aliens stole my greenhouse!!!!” or “Tory MP grabbed my testicles at a party!!!!”
Because this one is spoken from a very high up moral stance.
Just how much knee-jerk, reactionary judgment can come from one sentence? Not only this guy is a priest but a Catholic one!!! And obviously we all hate Catholics. Particularly one that apparently was an Anglican but left that church because of its ‘loss of traditional values’. Presumably values of corruption, distortion and fraud.
And as for ‘secret sham gay marriage’; that is just so seething with right-wing contempt. The stuffed shirt, tweed-jacketed, purple-haired Mail readers hate secrets, shams and gays, probably equally. Their hatred for such things is only topped by that for Muslims who don’t belong in this country staying here on false pretences.
I personally feel that the clergy should be allowed to commit crimes as long as its ‘the will of God’ for them to do so, and only they probably know whether that is the case.
And joining the Catholic Church on moral grounds is a bit like becoming a Millwall fan to be more popular.

All my other favourite headlines today featured Arsenal. Following what is undoubtably the funniest match of the season, if not the decade, if not ever. I like superlatives.

If Spurs can’t actually beat the Arse, and let’s face it, that doesn’t happen often, then we can only bask in their loss to others. Its our duty, as well as our pleasure. If that sounds a little mean, a bit nasty, a touch horrible, then so much the better. This is football. Not religion. Oh, that’s a bit mean and nasty too, yeah, forgot.

So Arsenal go to Chelsea to celebrate Arsene Wenger’s 1000th game as manager and it all goes to hell in a handcart. But much faster. To hell in a Ferrari. I turned on the car radio to hear that Hazard was about to take a penalty. Wow, I though, match is only 16 minutes old and Chelsea are about to take the lead. I didn’t realise that Chelsea were already 2-0 up and Arsenal were down to 10 men. The wrong 10 men. Because Alex the Ox committed not just a mere handball but a full-blown, diving, hands out save. And the ref sent off Kieran Gibbs. Why? Because he didn’t see it? Because he’s stupid and didn’t listen to anyone telling him the reality?? Or because ‘they all look the same’??? Arsenal players, I mean, not mixed race players of equal height. Which is why there wear numbers on their kit, Refereeeeeeee. A comedy of errors. Unless you’re an Arsenal fan. Then its probably not quite as funny.

So now my head says that hateful Chelsea will probably win the league. Whereas my heart is temporarily lodged in Liverpool. Because their games are all so enjoyable at the moment. They score loads, concede just a few less. Or rather, Suarez, the cannibalistic Uruguayan scores loads and the others help.

Spurs are playing very soon and Barcelona much later. What a day this promises to be.

Enjoy it

A xxxx