“They’ve treated Luis like a dog!!!!” said his grandma yesterday after the ban was imposed on her sweet little grandson. Well, actually, Mrs Suarez, they haven’t. Dogs that bite get shot. I was going to tell her that revelation myself but I couldn’t find the Spanish for ‘buck-toothed shit-for-brains nob’. I hope Barcelona are very happy with their next purchase.

Back in Europe, Juncker’s in so it looks like Britain may be out. What effect this will have on me personally, should it happen, I’m not sure, but what it will do is open up the duty free sales at airports for flights to ‘the continent’ once more. So I’ll save a fortune on Scotch. Get us OUT!!! (hic)

One very european is Theodora Sayn-Wittgenstein. She is a princess. All Germans have titles. If you’re not a prince you’re a count or a baron or some useless title which basically means your grandfather (when he wasn’t fighting with the bloody Nazis) owned a house somewhere in the Fatherland. Though Theodora’s family pad is less a house, more kind of Disneyland without the fun. Schloss-Berlberg Castle to give it the full 9 Deutschmarks. Anyway, Theo (as I call her) went to a reunion at St Andrews University in Edinburgh, a nice, genteel, posh place where royals from all over europe like to study, especially not very bright ones. Its where Wills met Kate, after all. And Theo, I’m gonna guess, somewhat into her cups, decided to remove her other cups, the ones holding her breasts, and stripped off. She then insulted muslims, became aggressive, fought off people trying to dress and control her and ended up handcuffed and arrested. As if a common criminal. This is disgraceful, everyone agreed. Not the behaviour, I think that should be commended, but arresting a woman for taking her clothes off in public and insulting people. What is wrong with the Scots? Where’s the freedom? Let them have independence if this is the way they treat royalty. Vote ‘YES’. See if I give a shit.

Some people are odd. Just odd. Not Theo, she’s lovely. But Luis Suarez is odd. He bites people which is very very abnormal behaviour. Punching is acceptable. Kicking. Even spitting, though vile, is understandable in certain situations. But biting is just not in any way ‘normal’. Similarly, Jimmy Savile. The reviled, de-knighted and thankfully dead DJ and loudmouth was simply fucking weird. He sexually abused anyone he went near. Anyone. Boys, girls, women, pensioners, the sick, ill and infirm, from 5 years old to 75 extends his ‘back-catalogue’ of atrocities. Even the old expression ‘anything with a pulse’ is inapplicable because when Jimmy found no-one alive to abuse he went to the morgue and took his pleasures there.

Ok, I just got rained off the tennis court, its now somewhat torrential and we’re off to Cornwall in the morning for the ‘best of the English summer’. God help us.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx