As the world approaches the possibility of entering Dante’s seven levels of all-fuckage, I have decided to share with you a personal survival plan, so you may still be alive this time next week!!!!

Never mind war with Russia or the Iranian threat by sending in ‘proxies’ to damage people and property over here. Not Houthis but, normally, deranged northern children, (there are so many to pick), paid by 3rd party ‘agents’ to murder, maim of destroy. Like the ‘hit-man’ sentenced to 20 years last week, or the dick-heads paid to burn ambulances in Golders Green. The main fears are weather induced disasters, like last summer but much wetter/windier/snowier; or pandemics; China’s a big place with a lot of labs working on ‘nasty shit’. We also have power issues; like not having any for protracted periods, and the latest, arriving just this week; Internet shut-down!!!

AI found a glitch in the system that operates the entire internet of the entire world-wide. Creates an ‘in’ for hackers. Ok, let’s ‘patch it up’ then, before the baddies hear about it. But before doing that, someone at Anthropic or some such company ‘accidentally’ posted online a video showing the world’s 14 million professional hackers, just how to get in and what to do to cause the most damage to us/profit for them. The guilty person, Mr James Fuckwit of Arkansas, should face 20 years of watching a little circular thing go round and round, ‘buffering’, for his crime.

Numerous companies and lots of governmental departments around the world have temporarily shut down their servers until this problem is rectified, for fear of data breaches and the consequences of them. And should this become a real problem, with shut-downs by the Marks & Spencers and Tescos and the Post Office and, most-importantly, Amazon!!!, we would not be able to buy anything. Food, drink, essentials, petrol, nuffink. We could just about manage without Temu and Shein for a week, but how long can you live without a new, sequined gold blouse for a tenner?

Thus the government, and now me, are advising you how to cope with all of the above. Here it is:

PANIC BUY LIKE FUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!

START WITH WATER AND TOILET ROLLS; CLEAR THE FUCKING SHELVES, THEN BAKED BEANS (no idea why), CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS AND ENERGY BARS. BUY A GUN, A BIG ONE AND LOADS OF AMMO, GET A TANK IF YOU CAN, AND A DRONE, SO YOU CAN SEND IT OUT TO CHECK THE COAST’S CLEAR. AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE WARM CLOTHES, BATTERIES, CANDLES AND A GOLD SEQUINED BLOUSE FROM SHEIN.

I hope it helps.

Happy Doomsday

A xxxx