If I’d have known that Keir Starmer was resigning on Monday, I’d have asked him and ‘Vic’ to join us in Poland. Not like he’s got anything better to do. There’s only so many times you can write: “I FUCKING HATE. ANDY BURNHAM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL!!!!”, before getting bored. Even dull-as-dishwater Keir must have limits to repetitive, boring statements, unless they’re coming from his lips, preceded by “let me make this perfectly clear…”

It was of little concern yesterday morning as we took a really fantastic walking tour of ‘Jewish Krakow’. Fascinating. Because Poland is unique among European countries, particularly Catholic ones, in that they never officially threw the Jews out. Like the Italians, Spanish, French, Portuguese… all did. The usual: CONVERT! LEAVE! OR DIE!!, never reached Europe’s eastern reaches. Which is why, during the 13th, 14th, right up to 19th centuries, Poland’s Jewish population grew, as it became a welcome exile for all Europe’s tossed out Jewry. This may be because, and I mean no offence here at all, the Poles are a bit dim. And therefore the Jews could do the things the indigenous love-children (or more likely ‘rape victims’) of Russians, Germans, Austrians and Slavs, probably weren’t that good at. Things like: counting. Reading. Thinking. Speaking in more than mere grunts. So the Jews were not just tolerated but encouraged. Of course, it was not plain sailing all the way; that would be impossible. Thus every few hundred years some (usually) priest or man of power would accuse the Jews of eating local babies, being devil worshippers, causing the floods/droughts, cheating at backgammon and the pogroms would ensue. Otherwise, Poland was good to and for the Jews.

But when the Nazis marched into Krakow in 1939 to reclaim that bit of Poland as ‘forever part of Germany; always has been’, the locals thought it might be rude to point out that ‘Germany’ didn’t actually exist until 1871, so in came the Panzers and the long black leather coats. The Jews were put into a ghetto because Krakow was declared ‘German’ and thus could not be ‘tainted’ by such horrendous racial impurity as rabbis and bagel bakers or, in fact, anyone with a circumcised penis. And these tragic souls became the first part of Hitler’s horrendous ‘final solution’. Shipped off to the camps which would later become places of industrialised death.

There were 75,000 Jews in Krakow before the war. Today there are 900. The ‘Jewish Quarter’ is a wonderful, vibrant, hip, cool and trendy area of cafes, restaurants, bars and fab food markets. They filmed Schindler’s List there, FFS, because his famous factory is just around the corner. And if 65,000 murders can’t put you on a map of the world’s conscience, 10 minutes of Spielberg and Hollywood gives you immediate world headlines.

In common with ‘Jewish Quarters’ all over Europe, just like Le Marais in Paris, they stand as a stark reminder of where Jews USED TO live. They survive as areas re-purposed whilst retaining their pre-war description. They are trendy places to hang the terrible signs of where the ghetto stood, where the Jews were shipped off from, with reminders of how many died and how happy they’d been before the Nazis arrived. A testament to tragedy.

However, I fucking loved Krakow. It’s a really gorgeous city. And now I’m in Warsaw to learn of more joys and tales of disaster and death. Why else would anyone ever go to Poland?

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx