I’ve never been the sort of person who lets tragedy get in the way of a good laugh. I do try. But when I read a headline like the one above…

I mean; how small does your penis have to be, FFS? Do you need scaffolding after your third? But basically, this is obviously a serious and tragic lesson for us all. Stop at 4.

And so to the football. Another tragic lesson for us at the moment. As my two favourite teams both lost yesterday. Spurs finally reached their season’s first and paramount objective of scoring a goal. Which was a brilliant moment. Unfortunately in the 94th minute of a match in which we’d already conceded 3. Although we did get an even later goal as well, making it ‘almost a draw’!!! But for the fairly obvious fact that it wasn’t a draw. And about 95% of Spurs fans had left the stadium before we scored either. Thus missing the two moments which almost represent all the ‘glory’ we’ve enjoyed this season.

Yet I have faith. In Tottenham, in our players, in Roberto Di Zerbi, in… everything. Because we look good. Nice haircuts, smart kit, good footballs. And we even play good football; easy on the eye, flowing, good burst of speed. Pretty much everything. Except goals. Ok, except goals that matter. We seem to lack any player capable of putting the ball in the net. Which, for a football team, may be considered something of a problem.

It’s not a problem for Brighton. Who played my other favourite team, Arsenal, yesterday. In what as, quite frankly, another shit-show.

Arsenal strutted out onto the pitch like the invincible, arrogant, swaggering champions that they are. But somewhere during the first 3 minutes they forgot that you actually have to play like champions to win matches. And they didn’t. They really didn’t. Mainly because Brighton didn’t let them. They were too fast, too aggressive and just too good for ‘my Champions’ to deal with. So instead, ‘we’ just entered a spiral of self-destruction and cried. It was all very upsetting and in particular I felt for Mikel Arteta. Who has absolutely no love for either Brighton nor their manager, Fabian Herzeler because the German slagged of Arsenal’s tactics last year. So after the match Mikel went back to ‘sultry’ mode. Without the smile which we’ve been seeing every other weekend of the season so far. Which has caused me to smash 4 tv screens so far. I seriously can’t afford Arsenal to keep winning.

Today Fulham play Manchester City. If Fulham should win or even draw, (unlikely, I grant you, but football is football), Spurs will go bottom of the table. And if City win, they open a little gap on Arsenal at the top. Hmmm…

I actually now want Brighton to win the league. Because one thing’s for sure. Spurs aren’t going to.

Happy (fucking!) Sunday

A xxx