I’d like to completely deconstruct England’s amazing victory last night against Norway. In the World Cup. Quarter-FUCKING-final!!!! The semis now await my boys. Argentina. Who last night struggled to beat Switzerland. A country constructed from the ‘bits’ of Italy, Germany and France which no-one else wanted. All those horrible fucking mountains. Who needs ‘em. Then, of course, they invented skiing and Switzerland seemed a better bet. Meanwhile they’d declared ‘neutrality’, although they have a big army and loads of weapons, but no-one’s allowed to attack Switzerland. Because it’s a bank. Not only does it hold a massive proportion of the world’s money, it has never been too fussy about whose money they’re holding. Rothschilds, fine. Elon Musk, great. Nazi stolen loot; Vatican treasures of unspecified origin, no problem there. Laundered funds from Chinese scams; welcome to Zurich.

But heh, let’s stay with football. For a while. Because I’m having the world’s biggest man-crush for Jude Bellingham. Who has progressed in the time-honoured footballing manner, from precocious teen prodigy with a horrible attitude and who’s nascent skills were only matched by his pure arrogance, to the fully developed man we see now. The attitude has diminished into the realms of confidence and he uses his God-given talents for the good of the team.

So my deconstruction of last night’s match is thus. Without Jude, we’re fucked. Ok, he’s gorgeous, even for a totally cis-male, hetero-sex-God!!! of the normal persuasion. But it’s not just about beauty. He is just, by approximately 2.63 million miles, the best English player around. Ok, I love Harry Kane and he scores fab goals and he too can get us out of trouble when required. But Bellingham is just the complete player. He defends, he attacks, he scores goals, he creates, he just sees everything and has the amazing capability to execute what he sees. He’s strong, quick, agile. What else do you wanna know? Kind to animals? Looks after his mother??? Loves Spurs? Hates Andy Burnham?? I don’t know. I only care about the 90 minutes (plus a lot of plus-es) he spends in an England shirt. Fighting for ME!

Erling Harland paled into insignificance against Jude the Mighty. I wonder how Messi will stand up?

I’m now watching the Wimbledon final. Between an Italian who looks and acts like a German (not in a good way; if there is a good way) and a German who sounds like he should be a Russian. Alexander (Sasha) Zverev?? Both are as cold, calculated, robotic and humourlessly inhuman as advertised by their national stereotypes. I’m watching a serving competition. And, as anyone who knows anything will tell you: serving is for poofs. Real men don’t waste their time.

Happy sporty Sunday. That’s sports watching rather than playing, unless you walk round the room whilst watching.

A xxxx