I’m having the best time ever, here at the Green Party conference in Brighton. I took my green flag, then realised I needed a black, red, white and green one, like everybody else. Because we’re no longer really into renewables and carbons and saving the planet from eco-destruction in a cataclysmic greenhouse effect caused by selfish bastards driving Range Rovers, we’re pretty much done with that. And we’re now focussed on Palestine. And if Zak Polanski says that’s our cause, then I will gladly join the thousands of sheep who follow blindly what he says. I even stopped and bought a keffiyeh, our true colours. Except a Palestinian man told me a very interesting thing. That the black and white keffiyeh, which we all wear to show our hatred of Benjamin Netenyahu and his genocidal, apartheid regime in Gaza, is in fact not a Gaza symbol. That keffiyeh represents the Palestinian Authority and Fatah. Both hated by Hamas, who rule Gaza. So if we in fact marched into Gaza with our flags and our black’n’white keffiyehs, we’d probably be stoned to death. Its like a group of people showing their love and support for Spurs by wearing Arsenal shirts. Well; iss north London, innit? But heh, what do I know? I follow, right? I’ve spent the last 5 years studying the catastrophic effects of carbon emissions on the environment and working out how long the planet can survive, and suddenly, its all about Palestine.

Fortunately, any kind of knowledge or understanding of the history or the current situation is not actually required. Zak told me. Just wear the keffiyeh, even though it’s the wrong one, and wave your fucking flag. That what he told me. Such a charismatic man. And he’s Jewish! So he knows everything about what’s going on in Israel and Gaza. And he’s not happy about it one little bit. In fact the Green Party have declared that ‘Zionism is racism’, and he’s so unhappy that when he was asked if Israel had a right to exist, he wouldn’t answer. And quite rightly. Because, according to Zak, it’s ‘not about the politics; it’s about the people. And all people have a right to exist in peace. 75,000 people have died there, that’s what this is all about’. Good point, Zak. They’re all good points. Because if that many people have in fact died, we need to act! Yes, the country’s 4th most important party, treated as joke in most places, have great international, political sway. We can control the Middle East from right here. Brighton’s not just for poofs, ya know. Even though Zak is one. No, Brighton is for important decision making on the WORLD STAGE!!! That’s how important Zak (thinks he) is!

I did ask him whether that 75 thousand deaths is accurate, as it came directly from Hamas. Who are terrorists, liars, murderers, rapists and monsters. And also, they don’t separate civilian deaths from Hamas ‘soldiers’ deaths, estimated at over 30,000. But NO, said Zak, whatever the question, 75,000 people, mostly children and disabled women, have died. We need to protect people and make them safe in their homeland!

So I inquired about the 300,000 people, all civilians, who have died so far in Sudan’s war? And the 400,000 in Yemen? With 25 million nearing starvation! And why didn’t we say anything about the 600,000 people murdered by Assad in Syria?

Zak told me to fuck off and pester someone else; he had work to do accusing 95% of British Jews of being ‘racist’, according to Green Party definitions. (The other 5% believe that Jews should not live in the promised land until the Messiah returns. But we simply can’t wait for Glen Hoddle to be fit enough, so we’ll live there now, thank you very much. And, the holocaust caused such vast ‘displacement’ of the few Jews who survived it, they had no-where else to go).

So here I am, ready to cast my vote, Zionists are racists, Jews are murderers, Israel shouldn’t exist and the wrong keffiyeh is better than no keffiyeh! As long as you don’t wear it anywhere near Gaza.

Go Greens!!!!

Happy Sunday

A xxxx