Manchesterism sounds more like a disease than a political and economic philosophy. It sounds like the condition when you wake up one day talking like Liam Gallagher, drinking pints of warm beer and supporting your ‘local’ football team, which happens to be owned and run by an Emirate. There is no known cure, but euthanasia must be considered in severe cases.

Yet this is what we’re faced with in 2 days time when Andy Burnham gets the keys to Number 10. The present one, in Westminster, not the new one, oop’t’road from t’Piccadilly Centre. That comes later. Apparently at a cost of hundreds of millions a year in staffing and security. Just so he doesn’t have to get the train or stay in the local Premier Inn.

Andy has a fabulous ‘long term plan. He’s just a bit low on short-term methodology. Oh, and people. He’s the PM on Monday and hasn’t decided on his cabinet yet.

His plans are fab! Increasing the social care system. That needs doing. At a cost of… to be declared later.

He’ll ’help with cost of living’. Phew. My Waitrose bill is getting so excessive I only got 6 bottles of Champagne for the whole week! Maybe these cut-backs will be relieved by ‘Manchesterism’.

Utilities are going to be re-nationalised. Taking away Maggie Thatcher’s horrible privatisation which condemned us to 35 years of being phoned 25 times a day by people from Delhi trying to reduce my energy costs. Where will all those people go? What will they do if electricity is privatised??? The cost of buying back all the utilities will only be… we’ll let you know.

And we’re going to devolve power away from London. Send it ‘local’. Improve the socio-economics of the rest of England. Leaving London to turn into Bolton. Closed shops, Oxford Street will become a local fly-tipping site and drug-crime centre. Fitzrovia will become Wigan and they’ll re-build the walls of The City and use it as a prison. Or refugee centre. Or both. Because London is an unnecessary extravagance. Ok, it generates a few bob in revenue but that can happen in the north as we re-industrialise and make more steel at 10 times the cost of buying Chinese, dig up coal again, even though Ed Miliband doesn’t want it and have a British Leyland renaissance to build cars again!!! Hopefully this time cars people want to buy. We can subsidise them! That’ll only cost… we’ll get back to you.

So great plans. Wonderful plans. Making Britain better!!! Everyone will be richer, happier, more evenly distributed!! Except the ones paying for it. Because his plans, like all airy-fairy fair-world concepts, will cost billionSSSS.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx