Yeah, I’ll send my cv over. Its impressive. And my PhD thesis, you’ll like that, its quite brilliant. But basically, I was born a bit odd, developed somewhere on some spectrum, but was consequently a touch ‘Rain Man’, without all the stuttering. When I was 7 I wrote The Merchant of Venice. People said I nicked it from Shakespeare, but that’s not true. I don’t plagiarise. It was all my own work. As proved by my next work I created, a brilliant thriller called The Da Vinci Code. I got a degree in Literature when I was 9. And captained the football team at uni to win the FA Cup, beating Man City in the final, 2-1. I scored the winning goal, 7 minutes into added time with an overhead scissors kick. I support a wonderful charity by running marathons. I ran 6 of them in a single day, 2 of them with a broken ankle and dislocated hip. The King gave me a special award. And I’m really good to my mum.

If this sounds in any way believable, then you must be very clever. Probably sit on the selection board at Cambridge University(!!! All bow) for bestowing professorships. Like they did to Jason Arday. Who has now been described as a ‘serial fantasist’, and kicked out. His resignation statement was written by AI, which was why it was so good.

But how could those bods at Cambridge buy into the obviously blatant crap on Jason’s cv? Did they not check it out? Do they not understand ‘due diligence’?? They’re supposed to be clever people, ‘La crème de la creme’, but act like a lump of cheddar that’s been left in the garden for 3 weeks of heatwave. (You’re not allowed to use a hose on cheese either). The guy’s thesis was plagiarised, the rest of his cv total rubbish, but transparently so to anyone with common sense. And there’s the problem. The Cambridge dudes are in no way ‘common’. So are not allowed to use common sense. Only algorithms. And Ancient Greek logic. Tossers.

But I don’t think they’re racist tossers. Not at all. Though, obviously, Jason is pulling the race card now he’s found guilty, so any legal action will have to tread very carefully. Because once you’ve pulled that card, you can’t un-pull it. A liar and a cheat is a liar and a cheat. Being black doesn’t lessen either. It just makes it all more difficult and, if I’m honest, more stupid.

On another note, I’m trying to kerb my excitement about the forthcoming football season, just 2 weeks away. Because for Spurs fans this is the ‘dangerous time’ of the year. The time when hope can explode into terribly unrealistic expectations. Because this is the time when… no ball has been kicked yet. (I don’t count ‘friendlies’). This is the fantasy football time of the season. When you put all our new players, all our existing ‘stars’ into a line up and just imagine how brilliant they might be. And we’ve bought well and we love our manager and…

No-one ever includes opposition teams in their pre-season fantasies. If only the League would let us play alone, with no opposition. I’ll speak to Infantino, when he’s finished shagging his mistress (fully paid for by UEFA as part of the ‘shagging clause’ in his contract when he was employed by them), see if we can arrange something along those lines. If there’s a few bob in it; Gianni’s yer man.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx