So my year is pretty mapped out from Jan 1st. And is defined by holidays, by Thursdays with Lila and The Monster, by Friday night dinners, by school holidays, tennis on Saturdays and Sundays, Tai Chi on Thursdays and Saturdays… (I’m so fucking BOR-INGGGG) and by the Jewish high holy days. Because EVERYTHING stops for Rosh Hashanah, the new year, and Yom Kippur, our ‘day of atonement’. Even God-deniers like me just obey and adhere. Its cultural. You just have to. Not about God. It’s about me. And to avoid anything too religious and pray-ish, I always opt to do security (we have a massive security operation at the synagogue, with about a dozen ‘professionals’ and 20 ‘volunteers’ on each shift). Because instead of sitting bored whilst all around mumble incessantly and sing out of tune, I go stand in the park with my stab-vest and walkie-talkie. Nothing much happens. Thank God. May it always stay that way. But just in case…

So yesterday I listened on my ear-piece to various ‘events’ unfolding. There’s always someone in a car which has driven past twice. We take note and go on ‘alert’. Even though it’s normally an Amazon delivery looking for number 63. But then there was a ‘suspicious person’, and worse, wearing a ruck-sack. We security bods fucking hate ruck-sacks because that’s where you hide stuff. And there was another ‘suspicious person’, who turned out to be an autistic man trying to walk the ‘London Ring’ and getting stressed because he lost his way. So basically; anyone who doesn’t look Jewish, anyone without a prayer book in hand and kippa on his head, is ‘suspicious’. The women all get strip searched. I’ve been told off for this more than once.

But here’s the thing. In my ‘year plan’, two things are virtual guarantees. That on Rosh Hashanah it will be sunny and gorgeous and if I get in the park, that’s the best security gig there is. (The synagogue backs onto a lovely park). And then, just 8 days later, Yom Kippur will be cold, grey, wet, rainy, stormy, horrible. Making standing in the park for an hour and a half not quite as pleasant. Perhaps this is God’s way of stressing the seriousness of Yom Kippur. Not to be distracted by nice weather. I don’t know, but it’s a virtual rule.

Until yesterday. When Yom Kippur was hotter than Rosh Hashanah. A real ‘WTF??’ moment. Have we not sinned this year? So we can have sunshine on a day of introspection and hunger (we ‘fast’ for 25 hours)? Or maybe this global warning shit has even affected our Holy Days!! I don’t know, but it was nice.

Our ‘fasting’, which I do because that first bite after 25 hours is so sensational, and for no other reason, is not a ‘punishment’, or ‘deprivation to atone’, they’re very Catholic concepts. We don’t beat ourselves with laurel branches all day to ‘suffer’, that’s a bit too Jesusy. We don’t suffer. We fast, in theory, because Yom Kippur is our day to ‘reset’ our personal plans for the forthcoming year. And we ‘commune’ with God (ok, bit of a problem for me, so I ‘commune’ with Bill Gates and Richard Branson) to such a degree that we simply rise above normal bodily desires. We’re too ‘busy’ to even think about eating. We become like ‘angels’ for the day. I struggle with the wings, personally, but get that we are ‘pure spirit’.

I’m all better now. Better than ever.

Happy First Day of the New Plan

A xxxx