I’m going to France. Today. We’re driving. Across the water. With the help of a train, apparently. And I’m going there to help those poor people. Because their men are being kidnapped by older women. We all know that the precedent was set by the President. He married a woman, (we think she’s a woman, despite rumours to the contrary, and no certain evidence), 25 years his senior. And now, Tiphanie Auziere, Mrs Macron’s daughter, is following in the family tradition by dating a man 20 years her junior. She’s 42; you do da maff. And it must be said, she’s a bit of a babe. And 42 is prime of life, even for French people who eat horses and snails. But I’d like to offer a gentle warning to her beau, with a view to a long-term relationship. LOOK AT HER MOTHER, FFS! GIVE IT 20 YEARS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!!!!

Anyway, we’re only going to Normandy. I’m going to do my own ‘landing’. It’s what you do in Normandy. But rather than re-enact the opening scene of ‘Saving Private Ryan’, I thought we’d try and be a bit more peaceful and spend a few days in Le Touquet, then whizz over to Deauville for another few. I’m not sure about France. Ok, it is massively beautiful, has spectacular little towns and villages, the best ski mountains in the world and gorgeous everything. The food’s wonderful (horses and snails notwithstanding), the wine spectacular and the croissants so fabulous they could have invented them themselves. Rather than steal the recipe from Greggs. But a very high number of the people you meet there seem to be French. And that’s where the problem lies. But I make no judgments. Other than the ones I make all the time.

Kier Starmer’s fucking off. Properly. Having said very recently that ‘he’ll stay as MP for Holborn until the next election’, he’s now decided he won’t. What they’re calling ‘his last U-turn’. He’s leaving now, so there’ll have to be a bye-election. Ok, that’s fine. Yet, to make such an announcement on ‘Andy Burnham’s big day’, his first day in Westminster as PM, is a bit of a kick in the teeth. And I always heartily approve of kicks in the teeth, particularly in the political arena. It’s also possibly the first slightly interesting thing Kier Starmer has done in his entire political life. And it was due. Burnham screwed him over royally. ‘For the good of the country’. Yeah, right. For the good of Andy Burnham’s. And the north.

Zack Polanski, the scumbag’s scumbag leader of the Greens, has always wanted to be an MP. He could stand in Holborn. Even though he might lose. Because when Starmer was in power, the Greens were level with Labour in the polls. Since Burnham’s ‘ascent’, they’re now 10 points behind. I hope Zack stands. And loses. Really badly. Because if we know nothing much about him; what we do know paints him a lying, cheating, scamming, virulent asshole. Again, no judgments.

Ok, to France!!!
Alright, to Folkstone!!!

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx